I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
