I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
