brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I bet he comes in French.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
