Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
