Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i think i just lost a toe
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
