that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
