Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
