As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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