things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize