Farmville is her only friend.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
