what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
