i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
