just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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