i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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