3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
