did you get engaged???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
COCAINE IS GR8
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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