Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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