You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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