Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
