so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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