I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
