I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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