We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
