The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
