been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
