he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
