you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
