He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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