She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
