I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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