I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
