Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
