It's Friday. Sex?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
