So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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