Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
