i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
