she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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