no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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