I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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