oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
