lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
