What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
