My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This girl is more easily done than said...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
