your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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