We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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