Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
