My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
