Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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