I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
