How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
