my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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