I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
