is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
