so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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