The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
