So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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