dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
