I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
