erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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