no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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