man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize