You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
