Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
