Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
