Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Barsexuality is the new black.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
