Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
