Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
