Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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