Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
