I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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