Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
