Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
