I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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