Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
