My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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