so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
