So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
