Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
